Yeah! My school bell has just rang showing my recess time has begins. My class teacher still has not made any reaction about it. My stomach is grumble over here. One of my classmates informs her about the recess time that had starts. She smiles while nodding. That’s a cute reaction I ever seen. Everyone starts to set back their stationeries into bag and exit the class room. I walk step by step facing my school canteen to fill my stomach. The school canteen is located few blocks after my class room. Finally, I reached the place with full of joy. Looking over there, it is really a frustrating moment. That place is very noisy with variety of modes of my school students. As usual, I'm not going to eat anything today and just head over to another place. My school field! Early morning, I astonished when passed the greenish environment there. That place is the only memory of my school days.
1) Characterization looks good
-the main protagonist name has not been mentioned
-Characters shows the capability of a real family
-their emotions are deliberately explained.
- More information should be added to create more effects.
2) Language that i like
-writer has use variety of words such as simultaneously in the story
- Use of simile ‘like a thunder’ shows a different approach of language
-repetition of ‘I’ in the paragraph could be avoided.
-looking like word is missing in the middle. Exp: - I just could not as he is strong
3) Style that need to improve
-Genre of the story is in a realistic form. This is something that happens in family.
-writer should have considered different genre to lead the story
-this could give different style to the story and impact on the targeted audience
4) plausibility/suspension of disbelief that i like
-this story is looks sensible.
-it is something that usually happens in our real life.
-writer has a good observation and linked it very well in the story
5) Quality of writing that need to improve
-the writer did not use any type of dialogue in the writing.
-dialogue between their father and mother could give more impact in the story.
-so, lack of explanation from the parents point of view is looked quiet weak.
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